The word convocation means to gather together for an assembly. In that case, I will be having a convocation of my own this weekend- 8000 miles away from the actual Convocation (as in Graduation) Ceremony. In true UChicago spirit, the convocation will be cerebral. A convocation of my thoughts, if you will, of the future.
The picture above was taken at Ngong Hills, 1.5 miles above sea level. We hiked it two weekends ago on a foggy Sunday morning. The fog obscured all view in the first couple hours except for fleeting moments when it cleared and showed us the breathtaking view of the Great Rift Valley, from which Maasai warriors originated.
This picture has been ingrained in my thoughts not only because of its amazing and hypnotic scenary but also because it describes what I have been feeling lately: a sense of inevitable fall somewhere in the future. Right now, I am standing sky high: not too many difficult obstacles have been put in my way, and things are going well. I am running on a high and am enjoying work and life, though motivation and patience are wearing thin by the day. Because of my perched position, I feel like I can conquer the world, but at the same time, I have not lost touch of my essence and foundation. I am standing on solid rock that cannot be loosed by landslide or torrent rain. The footing is secure.
But like everything in this universe; what goes up must come down. The coming down part is my worst fear. I do not know how far or where I will fall. While I can see the bottom in the distance, I cannot calculate exactly how long the fall is and where I will land. Great Rift Valley is in sight, but from my current position, it looks immense and full of potential traps- lakes, dry land, etc. How do I know where I will land? I am not scared of the timing of the fall. I cannot control that as well as I can control how far I will fall and how cushioned I can prepare my safety landing mat. The worst part is knowing that I will fall in some ways. And that when I do fall, I will be almost alone without much support network.
So this is it. This is the reason why on a Friday night/early Saturday morning, instead of celebrating the fact that I have just signed a house lease with four of my close friends and the seal of support of g.Maarifa from the Ministry of Education, I am by myself, unable to concentrate on any work and unable to muster any energy to go out. Perhaps I need a couple of hours to mope before slapping myself back into reality, but as I write this, I realize that I am not exactly hopeless. I can still work and prepare for a cushioned fall- this I can control and do well (I hope).
I learned something from my convocation of thoughts.
Andddd of course, congrats to the Class of 2012! I really wish that I could be there walking alongside you. Good luck on your future endeavors! 🙂