How to channel emotions?
The question to which I have been trying to find answers to for the past…well forever. Today and the next two days will be nostalgic: Mother’s Day, my mom’s birthday, and the birthday of someone who is close to my heart if he were alive.
It tortures me that I am in Nairobi and not with the ones who possess my mind. They made me who I am, but I am not there to celebrate/commiserate with them. I feel like I am failing them in someway- that perhaps I need to focus on my personal life and put them before my professional life. Self-doubt returns, and I am left to ponder the question, “have I made the right decision?
It is during these times that in desperation, I cling onto the hope that what I am doing and how I have turned out are making these people proud. Maybe not how I prioritize life, but my accomplishments when I do put my mind to them.
For now, I am plunging myself into my work. I’ve already made the decision and can’t change it for this weekend. But the question still lingers. More than lingers. It is a fixture in front of my eyes.